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The USS Bill Clinton

Sunday July 2 '06 Vancouver BC Headed for Seattle, WA.
The US Navy welcomed the latest member of its fleet today.

USS William Jefferson Clinton (CVS1)

The USS William Jefferson Clinton - CVS1

The USS William Jefferson Clinton (CVS1) set sail today from its home port of Vancouver, BC. The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to President Bill Clinton "for his foresight in military budget cuts" and his conduct while president. The ship, constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminum, is solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal that is comprised of either a single F-14 Tomcat or a single F-18 Hornet aircraft, both of which are completely unarmed. Although they cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck, they do present a very menacing presence. The AV-8B Harrier will never be based on this ship as it could endanger the lives of terrorists and other enemies that seek the destruction of America.

As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board. The 20 person crew is completely diversified and includes members of all races, creeds, sex, and sexual orientation. This crew, like the crew aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of the United States at all costs.

An on board Type One! DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find America offensive. The number of apologies is limitless and though some may sound hollow and disingenuous, the Navy advises all apologies will sound very sincere.

The ship's purpose is not defined so much as a unit of national defense - but instead in times of conflict the USS Clinton has orders to seek refuge in Canada. The ship may be positioned near the Democratic National Party Headquarters for photo-ops and can be used extensively for social experimentation, and whatever other worthless jobs, the ex-Commander-in-Chief and his wife can think of.

It is largely rumored that the ship will also be the set for the upcoming season of MTV's "The Real World". The ship was renamed and commissioned USS William J Clinton when someone realized the USS Blowfish was already taken.

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